7 Techniques On How To Control Anger

7 Techniques On How To Control Anger

I was completely depressed because of what I was going through that moment so I wanted to give up after going through emotional slavery and imprisonment, I knew I had a purpose on earth but my emotions wouldn’t let me recognize that purpose, I was strong on the outside but emotionally imprisoned on the inside. I have taken time to expose this hidden story in this book and how I was able to control my emotions and live a beautiful life.

Many of the thoughts in this Book were originally presented in several seminars series I taught on the subject of emotions and depression and letting go of the past.

Through my website (hisparadisetherapy.com) I made it clear to my clients each time am counseling them that the purpose of this book was not to teach them how to get rid of anger because it’s impossible but you can learn how to control your anger and set yourself free from emotional imprisonment.

As I told them, nobody will ever reach the place of not having emotions of anger. Nobody will ever reach a point in life of not experiencing a wide variety of feelings. 

No matter how hard you and I may try, we will always have to deal with the emotion of anger, jealousy, fear, depression, which causes many people a lot of guilt and condemnation. The reason is because they have the false idea that as a Christian or Muslim we are never to get angry.

When we get angry, the only thing we shouldn’t do is allowing our emotions to get rid of us, instead we should learn to manage and control our emotions in the proper way.

It seems that the majority of people are either emotional or emotionless. What is really needed is balance – the ability to show emotions when they are either positive and helpful, and to control anger when they are negative and destructive.

I know what I went through so I wouldn’t want others to go through the same thing that’s why I decided to create a solution to this imprisonment called ‘’anger’’.  When I was 10year old, I remember vividly how I ran into my room after having a fight with my younger sister. I was crying because my mother was against me raising my hand on my sister. I got emotional and was angry on why she didn’t see my sister’s disrespectful act towards me.

When I ran to my room, my mother sent for me but I completely ignored her, it wasn’t my intention to disrespect my mother by ignoring her but it was my emotions controlling and playing tricks on me, emotion of anger got a negative side of me. I can still remember when my mother bashed into my room and gave me a dirty slap on the face, and asked me why I couldn’t control my emotions. Anger was my greatest weakness while growing up and I couldn’t control it because I always thought that in order to not get angry, I needed to stop getting angry completely but I was wrong. No one can stop feeling emotional; we can only learn how to control it.

When we are angry and frustrated by something in our life, we often take out our anger and frustration on someone else – usually our spouse, family members, friends, or someone else with whom we share a close relationship. After I received that slap from my mother I was angry and had to transfer the anger on my second sister when she came to console me, I shouted at her and demanded she leaves my presence. Anger is not a good thing but its worst when you can’t  control it but the problem is not our anger and frustration as much as it is our lack of control.

My message in this book is simple; there is nothing wrong with emotions, you have every right to be emotional, as long as they are kept under control. This book will help you break the chain of anger slavery.

Before my admission into the University few years ago, I was working for SOEDECO company Limited in uyo, akwa ibom state. One day I decided to take a break and rest, while resting I decided to use my phone and check something online since it was a new phone my mother bought for me, that was in my final year in secondary school. That Nokia X2 was my first new phone so I couldn’t stop pressing it. When my boss walked in, he snatched the phone with anger and hit it on the wall, I saw my phone flying straight at the wall and everyone looked as my new phone splashed into pieces and I couldn’t stop looking at my phone turned into pieces. My Boss was angry before he walked into the office, probably someone made him angry so he came back with anger and transferred it on me, I was the victim of his anger and it ruins my day.

I got home with anger in my heart and if I didn’t control that anger I would have transferred it to my sisters and those around me. You must act as a circuit breaker.

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a coworker or your Boss) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Understanding anger

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, neither good nor bad. Like any emotion, it conveys a message, telling you that a situation is upsetting, unjust, or threatening. If your knee-jerk reaction to anger is to explode, however, that message never has a chance to be conveyed. So, while it’s perfectly normal to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged, anger becomes a problem when you express it in a way that harms yourself or others.

You might think that venting your anger is healthy, that the people around you are too sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that you need to show your fury to get respect. But the truth is that anger is much more likely to have a negative impact on the way people see you, impair your judgment, and get in the way of success.

Effects of anger

Chronic anger that flares up all the time or spirals out of control can have serious consequences for your:

  • Physical health. Constantly operating at high levels of stress and anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
  • Mental health. Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental energy, and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate or enjoy life. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems.
  • Career. Constructive criticism, creative differences, and heated debate can be healthy. But lashing out only alienates your colleagues, supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect.
  • Relationships. Anger can cause lasting scars in the people you love most and get in the way of friendships and work relationships. Explosive anger makes it hard for others to trust you, speak honestly, or feel comfortable—and is especially damaging to children.

If you have a hot temper, you may feel like it’s out of your hands and there’s little you can do to tame the beast. But you have more control over your anger than you think. With insight about the real reasons for your anger and these anger management tools, you can learn to express your emotions without hurting others and keep your temper from hijacking your life.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

When none of these three techniques work, that’s when someone—or something—is going to get hurt.

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can’t get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Are You Too Angry?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Is It Good To “Let it All Hang Out?”

This is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. I found that “letting it rip” with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you’re angry with) resolve the situation.

It’s best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and use these strategies we are about to discuss to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.


Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Want to learn these 7 techniques? Kindly purchase this book

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